Reality Is Imaginary

If you lie enough to yourself you end up believing the lie. You don't know the difference between a lie an reality. And it all doesn't matter because reality is imagination. What's real? Are you still lying to someone if you truly believe it's not a lie?

It's 3AM and this post has been lying dormant for 2 days now. I'm meant to be writing an essay arguing the why's of NAPLAN and standardised testing, and I'm supposed to be writing 3 lesson plans to teach to small children. I feel in over my head, and yet with 3 cans of V and texts from someone I'd long written off as being ignorant not one bit of it matters. The essay will be done, the plans will be done, and on Monday, I will be in  a kindergarten class and teaching them the joys of the world.

Has it really been 4 months since I last wrote? It doesn't seem that long. I'd like to tell you that I'll update better now that I have real internet. I'd like to say that I'm beginning to care, but if I'm being really honest if I didn't have as much energy running through me right now I would probably be staring at a blank wall uncaring. Maybe I might update more regularly, however it makes it hard when everything I post can put me at risk. I can't post about my prac, I'm not supposed to post about Uni, I can't complain about how having three lecturers who tell you to write different things on your essay is a complete pain in the arse. And I certainly can't talk about sex where anyone can read it.I do mean read, because we still talk about it as casually as I used to write about it.

I still have at least 650 words to write in a ridiculous essay and it's almost 6AM and time for me to go to Uni. I am quite doubtful I will pass this assignment. I am quite doubtful that I mind. I probably should.

***

I'm on the edge,

Get against the wall,

I'm so distracted,

I love to strike you